It’s been 11 months since my last post and to say that this past year has flown by is an understatement!! In that year I have learned 5 big things.
1) Having four kids is a blast but it is so much better when daddy is home!
2) Homeschooling is HARD!
3) Homeschooling with three demanding little ones and no Daddy to help out was more than I could handle!
4) Our deployment was made easier by spending half of it on summer vacation with grandma and grandpa.
5) It’s ok to throw in the towel sometimes and admit that you can’t handle everything!
Too often I try to take on the world and do everything all by myself and that’s impossible. At several points during the year I found myself drowning in commitments and promises that I had burdened myself with. My to do list kept growing and I was to blame. Now add in an infant that is still feeding every 3-4 hours, a toddler and homeschooling a preschooler and a kindergartener dealing with deployment anger issues and you can see why. So I let go of homeschooling. It wasn’t an easy fix, there were still problems but between full day kinder and part day preK I could have a few hours of sanity. I needed that and I am not ashamed. I also needed to let go of most of my volunteering and instead chose to let life find its new normal.
Normal is good. Routine is good. Having time to clean my house, go to story time, grocery shop with only two kids and maybe have coffee with friends is great! Letting go of the busyness that I had created allowed me to focus on what’s important. I was able to enjoy my kids and give them my best and not my leftovers! I was able to give them one on one time. I was even able to last till bedtime without loosing my cool! I became the mom I knew I could be and not the over anxious, stressed out supermom I thought I needed to be. Every once in a while I even went running!
Then daddy came home and we moved cross country… I’m still trying to find our new normal. It’s been three, almost four, months and I am still unpacking, still struggling to get used to our new house and a new routine. My son loves his new school (and so do I!), we all love my husbands new job and its normal hours (its like military heaven to have him home every night at the same time and before dinner!), altogether life is good. But there are those days when I wake up and I am disgusted at the mess/chaos. I get halfway through a fervent cleansing of dishes/laundry/toys and I remember why I’m here. I try to relax, read and play with my girls. I look at my now four year old and I am reminded that I can’t do it all, but I would rather enjoy childhood and make messes with children who want to be with me than miss it all in an attempt to be a supermom with a spotless house.